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Things For When You’re Bored
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Be really really annoying to anybody handy
Become an expert on something nobody cares about
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
Call an insurance company and try to insure gold plated condoms.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Contemplate the Fountain of Heterosexuality in St. George's Square
Count to a million...fast
Cover the toilet seat with plastic wrap.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Drive the speed limit...in your garage
Drive your car downtown, backwards.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Eat Dirt
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Glue pages of your roommates textbooks together (har har har)
Glue your roommates dress shoes to the floor.
Go from door to door and beg for friends (i.e. get a life)
Have your car painted plaid.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Hot wax the bottom of your roommates dress shoes.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Lick your hand and see the spit evaporate.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make a list of 50 Things to do when you are bored
Make noises
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Order pizzas for all your friends to be delivered unexpectedly to their homes.
Order taxis for all your friends that aren't going out.
Paint your windows.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Play solitaire...for cash.
Play tiddly winks...go for blood!
Play with yourself
Pretend you are Xena the Warrior Princess
Prove once and for all that a cow can jump over the moon.
Push your eyeballs in for an interesting light show.
Put legwarmers on all your furniture
Put your roommates hand in warm water while they are asleep and watch what happens.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Read a magazine upside down.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
See how long you can hold your breath
Send the prime minister an alarm clock...wind it up first.
Sit on the washing machine during the spin cycle.
Smoke Crack
Spray clear glue in your neighbor's doorlock.
Stand on someone else's head.
Stand on your head.
Stick marshmallows between your buttocks and see how far you can walk without dropping them.
Study
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Translate Shakespeare into English.
Try not to think about polar bears.
Try to play a cassette in your CD player.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Unplug all the TVs in your residence, from the back.
Volunteer for the Ontarion
Wash a tree.
Watch all of the other bored people in Guelph
Watch every Twin Peaks and Sanford & Sons episode you can get yer hands on
Watch processed cheese
Watch the sun...see if it moves.
Watch yourself grow old and cynical
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.